Paul (llorean) wrote,
Paul
llorean

Sometimes

        Yeah. I really don't know. I was going to comment on the comic I'm reading. Then I changed my mind, and thought I'd say something else. But I don't know what. It's a kind of... vague grayness. The world doesn't have me down. I'm floating still, and even with the weight I normally have dragging me back I find myself bouyant enough to stay up. But I'm looking down on it, and thinking "Wow. Do I carry that with me every day? Is that where the bile of my anger and sadness, the venom in my words, the salt in my tears comes from? I was inspired to post, as I said, by a comic. My favorite, one called Transmetropolitan. I've mentioned it before. It's finished, which is nice. The story ends. It had a 5 year run. It's about a journalist. If you like "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" you'll probably like the comic. Though there are other reasons to like it too. But it makes me think of how I want to write sometimes.
        I wish I could see enough of the world again to share it with everybody. Take them back to the places I've been, and take all of you with you. I realize that's one of my great wants, why I write here about the stars above while I sit by the pool. Or sunrise over one of the world's largest Buddhist temples. Or any of a great number of other things. It's because I have seen wonders. I've seen magic. Not the sort of magic that makes girls levitate, or even the sort that turns princesses into frogs. I've seen real magic, the kind that takes a friendless, angry boy and makes him weep with the beauty in the world. Squeezes him until the tears come out as colors, sounds, smells, textures, tastes all carry him through places he could never imagine, but that exist within the world you yourself occupy. I took a friend to one of my special places here. The place between two buildings where the wind blows. It's not amazing, not a natural wonder, but when you stand there in the constant breeze with someone, there's just a feeling. There are places like this everywhere, places of personal power. Places that have meaning to you. Experiences that can drive you to your knees.
        I've been up the Mahakam on Kalimantan Timur (East Borneo) and seen longhouses still lived in, shrunken monkey heads because the hunting of humans has been made illegal (though I was told practice still existed deeper inland.) I was given a blowgun, and asked to try to shoot a small man-shaped target, and missed horribly. Then I was shown how it's done properly, the dark skinned man clustering his shots tightly in the middle of the torso. I later bought a blowgun, the darts little more than a piece of cork and a thin metal needle that is commonly coated with poison. The needle was machine made, a piece of the modern world that served more primitive needs. I've tasted their food, but that's a memory lost to me. I was young, and in my youth didn't know the value of my experience. Every new experience, every new thing has immeasurable value to the soul. And I want to share it with you.
        I want to go back. Return to Indonesia and go up the Mahakam. See the temples around Yogyakarta, the volcanoes on Java. Return to Denpasar and Bali, and buy a real Kris, and scan a picture of it to share. Dive around Sulawesi. I want to return to Singapore and walk the rest of the city, see the parts that I didn't see when I was a child. Take a picture of the Merlion at night. I want to return to Pakistan. I remember an excruciatingly hot day, and tombs of some sort, but I was exceptionally young and the heat impressed me more. I want to return to Germany, and Spain, and Portugal. I want to eat beside the Rock of Gibralter. I want to go to places I've never been. Scotland, Ireland, Alaska. I want to see as much as I can and put into words what I learn from the world. I took you with me once on a day here in Austin. I want to carry you all on my shoulders out there as well. I'm going to see if I can borrow some old photo albums from my mother, and stir up some memories for all of you. If so, you'll get some posts (and maybe some scans). Though if I do travel the world again, ever, I want to take someone with me this time.
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